Thursday, July 03, 2008

Shopping with your man

I am basically a solitary shopper. But if I'm just browsing I find the shopping experience so more interesting if I'm dragging a guy along - and it can be any guy - Coeur or just a mate - because the pattern is always the same: I focus on the merchandise and they focus on.....well the merchandise too. But not the same merchandise. Guys tend to focus on the stuff that's not for sale.
Here's a typical conversation between the love of my life and myself at the mall:

Honey: gawd, i need these skins. I wonder how many makeups you get with each
Coeur: I would wreck that chick!
Honey: who? (looks around - slightly annoyed)
Coeur: Josie

Honey: Who the fuck's Josie? (thinking: i'll wreck her too!)
Coeur: that skin - it's called Josie

Honey: *sighs*
Honey: Oh? really - want me to try it on?
Coeur: Josie wouldn't be allowed outta bed. I'm rock hard now
Honey sighs. Tries on a skin.
Coeur: oo i can see your nipples through your shirt!

Honey: aaah they sell skin here
Coeur: ooh half naked chicks!
Honey: they are ladyboy skins, dear. Men in drag.
Coeur: Ok, you just browse. I'll just watch your ass.

Honey: sorry - I crashed
Coeur: I love watching your boobies pop! *grins*
Honey persuades Coeur to try a hair demo.
Coeur: the reason they named this hair "Rebel" is because the designer couldn't spell the word "yuck".
Honey sighs.
Coeur: is that girl on the poster you?
Honey: No.
Coeur: aah I thought it was - but that was before I'd seen your modelling shape

Coeur's doing his thing at the Maitreya mall, sporting a Crusty the Clown T-shirt. This is why guys survive - they're so fucking hot you just can't make yourself kill them.

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